Do you like my short story. it is really short i need advice on changing it and could you plz help w

Let’s Love One Another

“That child is a disgrace! What is she good for?”

“Don’t talk about my child like that! She is just fine the way she is.”

I was listening in from the hallway; I felt my cheeks start turning red and my eyes were swelling with tears. That evil woman I thought. I hate her. I ran through the kitchen with tears streaming down my face like a river. My dad and step-mom stopped arguing.

I know I am not the best kid in the world but were does she come off saying I am a disgrace? I didn’t like her from the start and I could tell she despised me. What does my father see in her? These thoughts ran through my head. I never wanted to see her or talk to her ever again, but for my father’s sake, I had to find common ground with her.

First step was to find out what she likes that I like also. DANG! That meant that I had to talk to her. What was I going to say? OH she likes going to the movies, maybe we can go see one. Okay take a deep breath, you can do this. Take a deep breath Addie. I kept saying to myself.

“Um…Miranda? Do you want to go to the movies?

“Ok sure that sounds good. Hey I am sorry what I said earlier. I am just stressed right now. Can you please forgive me?”

“Yea I guess I forgive you.”

Finally we are talking and she doesn’t hate me! We are actually bonding. We left the house about three o’clock in the afternoon heading towards Main Street. The traffic was like a stampede coming through town. There was horns going off like crazy and fresh skid marks were engraved into the black, twisty off-ramp. Finally we got there and there was a line so long it literally took us twenty minutes to get a ticket.

When we got up to the front of the line, we had totally forgotten what movie we wanted to see. The people behind us were yelling all sorts of things that I couldn’t make out but I knew they were in a hurry to get into the theatre and see the movie. Miranda just said a random movie not knowing what else to do.

“Do you want to see the movie P.S. I Love You?” she whispered to me.

“Yea it’s like you read my mind.” I said.

Miranda and I came out of the movie theatres in tears. That was the best movie we ever saw. We arrived home and my dad was watching football as usual. He saw us talking and he was in awe. At first I didn’t know what he was staring at and then I realized he was staring at Miranda and me. It really wasn’t that often we got along even for a second.

“Hey what’s up? Would one of you ladies like to tell me what is going on?”

“Well honey, Addie and I went to the movies and talked and well, I guess we are getting along now.”

“WOW! Finally there is peace between you two.”

“Hey dad when is dinner?”

“About thirty minutes. Go in the living room and watch T.V. or something.”

After we ate our chicken and mashed potatoes, we had a delicious wedge of triple chocolate fudgy monkey cake. For once the dinner table wasn’t quite and instead of Miranda and dad talking, she and I were talking as my dad stuffed his face with food. We talked about school, vacations that we wanted to go on and we talked about the movie we saw. That movie was amazing. When you watch it, you feel like there is a hurricane of emotions going through your head.

What happened with this family? I am really not sure but all I know was that happiness was in the air and everyone loved everyone. One problem was that it took a while for Miranda and me to completely understand each other, but eventually we became very close. She even told me that I could call her mom. That was a HUGE step from calling her a witch to calling her mom. It feels good to have a real mom.

It was 11 pm and unfortunately my bedtime. The family exchanged “Goodnights” and went to sleep.

“Night mom. Night dad. Love you guys

“Goodnight Addie. It is really late so please go to sleep. You have school tomorrow, remember that.” shrieked my dad from his room.

“Goodnight Addie. I love you too.” added Miranda.

From that moment on we have been the happy family my dad had always wanted. I guess everything worked out and it was all because I dared to make the first step on making a healthy relationship with Miranda.

Do you like my short story. it is really short i need advice on changing it and could you plz help w/ a title?opera songs

You have a very good "voice". It truly sounds like you writing. BUT. Where is your plot? This so far is just a little scenario - basically what I would call "Ground Zero". This is the normal life at home. So what happens to change all this? Where is your conflict? That is what takes it from a little scenario to a story. You have no plot yet.

Then just a minor thing, but on occasion, I question your choice of words. For instance, now that everything is peaceful at home, why does your father "shriek" at you? Doesn't shrieking carry more of a negative context? Couldn't he "call out" or something gentler?? There were a couple of others like that.

So work on your plot. Something has to happen now that you have established this scene.

As for titles, I don't know enough about your plot or story yet to offer a suggestion. It will come. Pax-C

Do you like my short story. it is really short i need advice on changing it and could you plz help w/ a title?secure browser opera theater

"Family Postscripts"

EDIT ADD: Also, I suggest a re-write, even if you've already done a couple. It just seems to me there are repetitions, and that this story can be even shorter, a 'flash' story...

Or, if you don't want it to be shorter (because actually, not a lot happens here)... you can make a bigger build-up to a stronger conflict (but please avoid screams and door-slamming... try for Real Conflict), then your denouement, or ending...

Sound good?
The story was pretty good. One suggestion, though; have you ever heard of helping verbs, I believe they're called? Well, when you use the verbs, they take away from the quality of a story. The helping verbs are as follows:

am

is

are

was

were

have

has

had

be

being

been

become

became

seem

felt

feel

Just try not to use those, and you'll end up describing things a lot more.
"but were does she come off" - think about changing, regional slang. Maybe not suitable, maybe style requirement for thoughts. Your choice.

"These thoughts ran through my head." You don't need to say that. Think about deleting it. It is obvious the thoughts are running through her head

"...find out what we both liked" "...find out what we were both interested in"

"Oh. She likes..."

"wasn't quite" to "wasn't quiet"

I liked it well done. Take that persons advice above about the verbs
Title options: 'P.S Where is the Love?' (suggest the theme or dilema of your story but don't give away the ending)

"Life is not a movie"

"Movie Magic"

Advice: I really liked Addie's internal voice.

This is just advice on how to improve your writing skills.

She would feel her cheecks turn hot or burn instead of red.

Why would Miranda say something so horrible and then take it back so quickly later?

What is it that Addie did that was so disgraceful? (this is what your readers will want to know)

A few too many "finally"s, try not to repeat yourself you don't need to use "literally" unless its related to something extrememy surprising.

Addie and Miranda make up too suddenly. It doesn't feel realistic. Add in visual detail in this bit. Like Addie could fiddle with a piece of jewellery or something because it's a nervous habit (and she should show nerves).

You say that they've bonded but don't explain over what (maybe Addie's mum died and Miranda talks to Addie about the death of her own parent and how she learned to accept it - just example). You need to concentrate on these big details because that's what's important to your story.

Having them bond over a film means that they have bonded over a story (Cecilia Ahern's P.S I Love You) which is someone else's story. You as the writer need to do the work, bonding over a film is kind of cheating.

Keep the film bit in it, but have them talk and bond after it. And show this in the story, don't summarise it.

I like the the goodnight Iove at the end. Nice touch

Most importantly keep writing. If you enjoy it you will improve.

Hope this helped.